It's been a while, guys. This post is probably an awfully close to home, controversial one. But really I'm just putting my thoughts out there...
I have debated for a
long time as to whether or not I should write on this topic. I realize this
could come back to bite me, but I feel so compelled to talk about it. I don’t
know why. So, I have decided, from my perspective, to tell you about my college
experience. Unlike most people who will just sigh and resign themselves to hear
a tale of drunken regalia…. This actually may touch your curiosity. You see, my
alma mater, was Penn State.
Before we flash forward
or look to the not-so-distant past, let me tell you about my college experience.
I began my time at Penn State. I’m not an athlete. Actually before Penn State,
I really didn’t even know Coach Paterno’s name. My friend who also ended up attending had to educate me on it. I played football in the street
with the neighborhood boys. So this "culture" the news talks about--I guess I missed that. Penn State, to me, represented a certain freedom of
being four hours from my parents, my individualism, a chance to figure out me.
It was an overwhelming empowering freedom. For most of my existence where I grew
up, I never felt I truly belonged, or had people just like me. When I came to
Penn State, I saw dozens of kids just like me. They did not scoff at my musical
tastes; they enlightened me on new perspectives.
I delved into
academics, and questioned everything. I majored in Political Science, with a
minor in Sociology. I was active on campus through leadership programs, and
ushered new freshmen in as a Resident Assistant. Yeah, I went to football
games. Yes, I engaged in a We are chant, and yes, I fell in love with college
football. I will tell you and mean it that I bleed blue and white and always
will.
Penn State (as many may
find ironic) taught me love and loyalty. Not just to each other, but to
humanity. It taught me to give more of myself to others than I take in. During
my time at Penn State, I sought to make it a better place before I left—instituting
a charity dance with fellow resident assistants. There is so much good at Penn
State that extends beyond Beaver Stadium.
Am I heartbroken to
hear that people whom I trusted and were familiar with on campus failed to live
up to the same values they taught me? Yes. I am heartbroken a thousand times
over and sickened to my stomach that a place that holds so many beautiful
memories for me—is a place for agony for victims. I hope and I pray that Penn
State in the coming days becomes advocates for all those who cannot speak for
themselves. The crime that individuals at Penn State are charged with are crimes
that were never even thought of. A mass of lies? A looking the other way? Penn
State taught me when fear is looking me in the eye—look right back at it, and
question if you would be the same person if you would walk away. Nope, probably
not. Penn State taught many of us who were still in the clutch between our teen
years and adulthood that the right choice is not always the popular one. So
many times I have thought back in my life to that moment when I thought that
there is something greater than self-achievement. Life is about being a part of
a team—helping a friend and doing the right thing. Penn State is more than a
bunch of drunk kids and a football chant. Penn State is a place of tradition.
In my time at Penn
State, I often would talk with alumni. In fact, I still do when I go back for
alumni weekends. I can always link up and talk with an alum about a Penn State
memory and find out that they shared a very similar experience. (No, not just
having Coach Paterno on field) I’m getting married at Penn State in a little
over a month—and sadly a lot of people have told me very sad viewpoints that I would
return to the Valley during this. To them, I politely reply that Penn State to
me is more than football it’s PEOPLE. It’s STUDENTS. It’s where my relationship
happened. It’s where I became an adult. And, by the way, I am sorry but I am
not burning my diploma. I paid for that diploma, and worked hard to get it. The
Athletic Department did not sign my degree.
I am so tired of Penn
State being in the news. I am even more hurt to hear and see people joke about
the victims. How can they do that? I think about that a lot actually. How can
someone seriously make fun of something so awful, so egregious? Even to just
mention it, think about the victims, how they must feel seeing jokes posted
about their experience. Ugh.
So please world, when
you look at Penn State—look at me. I am Penn State, a proud graduate from 2006.
I am a good person. I am a Lion, and proud of it. I love college football; I
bleed blue and white; and my heart breaks every day for what one man did to
those young boys. My heart wrenches that those in the position of authority
turned their heads, and I pray every day that someone has the courage next time
in the world to speak up.
So with that being
said, now you have my perspective. Tear me apart. Call me a mindless football
zonked zombie. But know—I am a woman, a graduate of ’06, alum, your friend,
your relative, a good person, and a soon to be bride out of Happy Valley—and a person
who can truly say their heart and mind is with the many victims of a sick,
deranged, evil person.
